


The Fear of Falling Apart

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Series: Obi-Wan "The Therapist" Kenobi and How He Changed Everything [9]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Feelings, Gen, Hobbies, Pre-Relationship, Team as Family, Worried Obi-Wan, Worry, do not copy to another site, worried clone troopers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:27:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22355614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: In the face of the impending council meeting, everyone's a little worried about the fallout.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Obi-Wan "The Therapist" Kenobi and How He Changed Everything [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584874
Comments: 48
Kudos: 982





	The Fear of Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This particular installment took a little more effort than anticipated (or planned), but here it is. I hope you like it. Most of it has been read by my beta, with the exception of the ending so that will be new to him too, lol. Also, for the sake of covering all my bases, the title was borrowed from "This is Gospel" by Panic! At The Disco because this story just would not name itself.
> 
> Shoutout to whollyjoly over on Tumblr who helped bring about the utilization of more hobbies.

They would arrive on Coruscant in the late morning, Obi-Wan had been informed. So just a few more hours aboard this ship, and then he would have a couple days at home in the Temple to do… well, probably paperwork, but in theory, it’s time for him to just be a Jedi - time to be just Obi-Wan. Not a general, not a commanding officer, not a negotiator or a tactician or anything else. Just Obi-Wan, enjoying his hardly-used-anymore quarters and sipping his tea and meditating or doing whatever else came to mind.

After, of course, he attended the council meeting at noon.

Obi-Wan wouldn’t say he was _dreading_ it, but he certainly wasn’t looking forward to it. Because, he had been reminded (thank you, Anakin), this was the second one he would have been able to attend since Umbara.

Granted, that first one had been the day after and he’d been present through holocom.

But still. He had a feeling about this one. At least one of his fellow masters and council members _must_ have seen at least _one_ of the multiple holovids that were out there, cycling through the troops. Mace and Yoda and everyone else, must at least know of the things he said after finding out about Krell in the first place.

So no, he wasn’t dreading the meeting.

But he was certainly looking for a distraction from his thoughts.

And that led him to wandering about the ship, interacting with so many troopers he lost count and had names swirling about his head dizzyingly.

First, he came across an entire squad sitting piled together and debating… _something_. Turned out, it was the newly renamed Bookworms squad from the 2nd Airborne Company. They were in the second session on Centaxday. When Obi-Wan had asked what they were debating about, he’d gotten the rather simple answer that they’d started a holonovel club and had just finished a chapter of their latest read, _The Stars in Your Eyes_. Apparently, the main character had just decided to leave everything behind to be with the girl he was in love with.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure that sounded quite like his cup of tea, but to each their own.

He smiled to himself as he continued on, listening to the debate start back up again.

In the therapy room, he found a group of ten or so men from a couple different squads sitting together in a circle. They were mostly composed of currently off-duty medics from Cruiser squad, though he spotted a few men from the other three companies as well. They all seemed to be working on little squares of crocheted fabric. When questioned, the medics replied they were tired of being informed everyone was so cold in the night. So in response, they had started a knitting circle and were currently putting together squares to be sewn together into blankets for the troops to use when needed.

The crochet work, while not uniform between each trooper, was still very neat and rather impressive for beginners. The yarns they had to work with didn’t all quite match, and were in whatever colors the men had been able to get their hands on when the opportunity arose (which wasn’t often). The blankets surely wouldn’t be pretty, once put together, but Obi-Wan had to admit that what was finished was soft and would definitely keep their user warm.

He wished them luck, being promised a blanket of his own if he wanted one, and turned to leave them to it once again.

Which was the moment he spotted a lone clone trooper, curled up in the corner and typing away on a holopad. He was wearing one of the gray uniforms a what he’d heard Cody and Rex refer to as “soft-shells” (troopers who worked primarily as technicians upon cruisers and destroyers).

Obi-Wan didn’t want to interrupt if the man wished to be left alone, but he also wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay.

So he approached the man and asked quietly what he was up to.

His name was Author, one of their shinier troopers from Deck Company. He was definitely one of the quieter, shier clones Obi-Wan had ever met. He didn’t seem to want to talk much, and when he did, he kept his voice low and non-threatening. Obi-Wan found it a bit endearing, smiling encouragingly at the man.

Author admitted very hesitantly and with the telltale signs of a flush across his face, that he was writing a book. He said it wouldn’t ever get published, not officially, but that he’d been asked to post it anonymously on the holonet anyway. His squad thought it was good and should get to be read.

Obi-Wan beamed at the name of the story.

_The Stars in You Eyes._

The man full on blushed when Obi-Wan informed him that he’d passed by a group of Author’s fans not long ago. He floundered for words for a couple seconds before Obi-Wan took pity on him, told him he was sure the book would be one of the best once it was finished, and bid him a very cheerful goodbye.

Author was smiling as Obi-Wan left.

Obi-Wan came across more than just a few other activities in his hours of wandering.

One trooper was playing with a bright, multi-colored cube. Several were playing different card games in the mess. The training deck was currently occupied by several men sparring and more still practicing what almost looked like lightsaber forms. He watched for a couple minutes before realizing it was yoga that they were doing.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes at himself, continuing on.

Oddly, he didn’t come across any singing troops today (though he did hear quite a few humming as they went about their duties).

He did find five of them in the kitchen, four looking confused six ways from Centaxday and the fifth clearly testing his own patience as he explained that food could be good and not in the form of ration bars. Obi-Wan recognized him as Captain Leak, the commanding officer of Ocean Company.

Obi-Wan left, laughing, when one of the clearly newest troopers asked about the food they ate on Kamino. Captain Leak’s response had been a disdainful look accompanied by the most judgemental tone Obi-Wan’s ever heard.

“That was not what anyone should ever consider _good_ , and if you did, then I’m sorry, but I clearly have my work cut out for me.”

He considered briefly if he should admonish the tone, but everyone was laughing after that and no offense seemed to be taken there. It obviously had not been meant as a judgement on the shiny himself. And besides, from what Obi-Wan had heard about growing up on Kamino from Cody and others, the food truly had not been stellar, to say the least. It was exactly what one would need to survive, but other than that, it was bland and flavorless, mostly in shades cream and brown and green. (Vegetables were important.)

So instead, he made his exit and turned again towards the bridge. He didn’t want to interrupt any activities (though he had been invited to join in on most of them), and thought that perhaps he could find Cody.

He should be on duty right now, probably overseeing the navigation of the destroyer.

On the way there, he saw more clones painting various things on portions of armor, either belonging to them or their friends.

Sure enough, when Obi-Wan stepped onto the bridge, Cody was also there. He stared out the windows as hyperspace swirled around them, settled into a relaxed parade rest, his hands clasped loosely behind his back.

Obi-Wan nodded at Admiral Block briefly with a kind smile. He got a similar look and nod in return. 

Cody spared him a gentle glance when he stopped at his commander’s side.

“General,” the man greeted in an even tone.

“Commander,” Obi-Wan returned.

“How are the troops?” Cody asked conversationally.

“Oh, keeping busy. I’ve been offered a hand-crocheted blanket and a spot in a yoga class.” Obi-Wan grinned. “I also met a young man who likes to write and his fans.”

“Oh, Author?” Cody said, still watching out the window. “Yeah, I’ve been following his story. I missed book club earlier because I need to be here.”

Obi-Wan could not help the genuine bout of giggles that shocked out of him.

“Don’t judge me!” Cody defended. “His book is great and now I’m behind on the latest chapter-”

Obi-Wan was straight up cackling. He couldn’t breathe. That was the best thing he’d ever heard. His commander was in a book club and read romantic holonovels written by his fellow clones. That wasn’t funny because he wanted to be mean. It was just one of those things you never expected to find out about someone.

“Is this one of those times where I get to smack you?” Cody asked, suddenly all mock seriousness. But clearly ready to do just as he asked at a moment’s notice.

And that just had even more peels of laughter bubbling up out of Obi-Wan.

He couldn’t get it under control for a minute or two, Cody continuing to make little comments that would get him going all over again. And oh, was it a good thing they didn’t necessarily need to be on the lookout, because neither of them were paying any attention to anything but each other.

Obi-Wan could feel Cody’s own amusement and… warmth, radiating out into the Force around them. It kept his giggles going and made a part of him feel content and happy deep in his core.

It took too long to calm down. But finally, it happened, and Obi-Wan was able to catch his breath, figuring out how to breathe again. A warm, gloved hand pressed against his back, steadying him.

See, very few things could get Obi-Wan to fully clock out from his surroundings. Few things in the entire galaxy got him so distracted, so completely _gone_ that he stopped analyzing everything around him.

Apparently, one of those things was… Cody.

Because he found himself leaning into Cody’s side, one of his hands gripping a plastoid-armored shoulder as Cody steadied him gracefully.

It took a lot of effort to keep the flush off his cheeks as he coughed, supposedly clearing his throat, and stepped away from the man. Cody’s hand slid from him belatedly, seeming hesitant. But then his hands were clasped behind his back again, an easy smile in place on his expression.

Obi-Wan could almost pretend all of that was normal thanks to the smile on the commander’s face.

But then he realized there were eyes on him and suddenly he knew it would be hard. Because the whole bridge had just seen that. The whole bridge had watched as something much stronger than Obi-Wan, apparently, eased him into a giggling mess that was nothing like the general he had to be.

Those whole five minutes had been filled with the best feeling in the galaxy.

His potential embarrassment was distracted though by the chirping at Cody’s wrist. His comlink was blinking green at him as he tapped it to answer.

“Commander Cody. Go ahead,” he said, suddenly all business.

“Hey, Codes,” a voice came from the other end. Judging from the informal nature and the gruff tone of it, Obi-Wan would venture a guess it was Boil. “A group of us were about to start that session if you wanted in.”

“Uh,” Cody hummed, hesitating and tossing a glance towards the Jedi still at his side. “I actually can’t. I’m scheduled for bridge duty. But we’ll talk on planet once we get settled.”

“Okay, vod,” Boil responded. His tone suddenly took on a teasing lilt. “Have fun with-”

“Over and _out_ ,” Cody interrupted harshly. He tapped the comlink perhaps a little rougher than was strictly necessary, cutting off the connection.

Obi-Wan really wanted to ask about that last part. Boil teased. He teased everyone. But usually he was able to finish the tease before someone told him in no uncertain terms to shut up.

But he had a feeling it would probably be best to just leave that be for the moment.

Good thing he still had a different question to ask.

“There’s a session going on?”

Cody looked at him full on again, but didn’t say anything right away.

“It’s obviously okay that there is, and I don’t need to be involved. It just seemed to be a planned thing and-” Oh _Force_ , he was starting to ramble.

Cody took pity on him.

“Yeah, there was just… something a few of the men - or, well, a lot of the men - have been a bit worried about,” Cody admitted haltingly.

Obi-Wan quirked one eyebrow up at his commander.

“And if I were to ask what that was? Is that something you could tell me or something you can’t?”

Cody sighed. He looked backwards towards the exit briefly, motioning for Obi-Wan to follow him. He did so and together, they left the bridge in the capable hands of Admiral Block and whatever portion of Deck Company was currently on-duty.

The hallway around them wasn’t deserted, but they were basically alone. They stood off to one side, close to a wall as Cody kept his voice lower by a couple notches.

“Obi-Wan…”

Oh, so it was going to be one of those conversations.

“Cody,” he prompted.

“They’re worried about what’s going to happen. We all know you have a council meeting when we get back. And we talk to enough troopers outside of this battalion to know exactly who’s seen those holovids.” Cody crossed his arms, his posture hunching just slightly in and towards the auburn haired Jedi. “Some of the men are a little concerned that… maybe… all of this is going to have to… stop. And we won’t be allowed to… do any of this, anymore.”

Obi-Wan found himself reeling in a severe whiplash of emotions.

Less than two minutes ago, he’d been happier and lighter than he’d felt in literal years. Now he was proud of his troops for taking it upon themselves to do what they felt was necessary when they were worried, which was talking about it in a therapy session together. But he almost felt a bit like he’d been punched squarely in the chest.

Because… That really was a legitimate concern now, wasn’t it? He knew those holos were still out there, still circling around the GAR. Anyone with access to the holonet probably could have seen them.

But the council had likely seen them too. Mace and Yoda and Plo Koon and Depa and Shaak Ti. Any of them. All of them.

And… and Obi-Wan really was doing something most would consider radical, wasn’t he?

He may be a master on the council, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t above the same teachings everyone else followed too. (Even if he did think that some of them were bullshit.)

He very well could be told to stop what he was doing.

Or something worse…

And if that didn’t send a spike of fear and pain coursing through his blood, he didn’t honestly know what would. Suddenly he found himself filled with a nervous sort of energy. It shook through his muscles and limbs, had him wanting to bounce on his feet and hide in the nearest utility closet.

Because Obi-Wan could admit, if only silently to himself, that he’d been sort of… avoiding this whole… issue. He acted nonchalant and laidback about what might happen when the council inevitably found out. It had quickly become a “we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it” thing. (Though really, it might be shaping up to be a “we’ll _burn_ that bridge when we get to it” thing.) Obi-Wan had no idea what the council was going to do. He had at least some idea what some of them might say ( _“against the code”, “frowned upon”, “need Qui-Gon’s defiance, you do not”_ ).

But sometimes it didn’t matter that Obi-Wan was also a master and a council member. He was still one of the youngest and the newest. He was still going against the code, in all technicalities. (A small voice in his head said that he was obeying the code, just not in the way he’d been raised and trained to do so. Which was not something he thought he should actually say to the council.) He’d only been made a master all of a year and a half ago and that had been for getting Anakin through to Knighthood. Which was, admittedly, impressive. But if they hadn’t been in a war, Anakin likely would have stayed a padawan longer.

So Obi-Wan’s own masterhood probably wouldn’t save him in this instance.

And it was beginning to dawn on him that for as much as he worried about it in private, his men were worried too.

What if they were forced to go back to the way they had been? All their armor ordered to be washed free of any paint, perhaps other than their 212 Gold stripes. Books and paints and blankets and whatever else taken away. Evening group therapy sessions ordered to cease. Singing prohibited and holovids banned.

That was probably thinking a little too harshly. The painting of the armor wasn’t a new thing, even within the 212th, it was just a lot more obvious and colorful now. Clones had always found themselves in possession of books and holonovels. Listen, people needed a passtime.

But they could have their identities taken away. They could be stripped of the support Obi-Wan had taken careful measures to ensure they would have from now on.

“Obi-Wan?”

The Jedi shook his head, eyes finally focussing in on Cody again. The man’s regularly calm, cool composure was missing - cracked and showing the concern laid bare underneath.

“I’m sorry, Cody,” he apologized. “I must have gotten lost in thought.”

“That’s- it’s… that’s fine-”

Obi-Wan cut him off before the man had to stumble through any more uncertain words.

“I won’t tell you or any of your brothers not to worry. But, I do promise to do what I can to make sure that none of you will be punished for this. In any manner.” He straightened himself, closing on hand in a fist behind his back. His other came up to stroke at his chin. “None of this is your fault.”

“You say that like it’s your fault,” Cody pointed out, frowning and clearly displeased.

Obi-Wan gave a little shrug that was much more casual than he felt.

“If the council feels someone needs to be held accountable, it will be me,” he stated rather matter-of-factly. “Even if I am ordered to stop encouraging all of this, you can be sure that it will not affect the battalion-”

Cody’s frown deepened, an unhappy clench setting his jaw.

“With all due respect,” Cody began, cutting Obi-Wan off mid-thought, “I don’t think you understand.”

Obi-Wan faltered. What could he possibly have misunderstood from all of that?

“We’re not just worried about us being told we have to stop. We’re worried about _all of us_. You know? As in, you, too?”

And-

Well that-

That just-

That did not compute.

Why on earth would his men be worried about _him_? This was all _for them_. Obi-Wan was fine. He would have been okay carrying on the way he always had. But the men? No, they deserved so much _more_ \- so much _better_ \- than this. Any decent person would have done for them what Obi-Wan did. And sure, he loved them like they were an extension of himself. He loved them because they were different and unique. He loved them because some of them like the knit and others couldn’t stand it, but some were amazing painters and others better singers or-

He loved each of his men for everything that made them _them_.

So of course he would do this for them.

But it wasn’t about Obi-Wan. This was never for Obi-Wan. He may be happier this way, but being kicked out of the order was not what he was going for. So if he was told to cease this immediately, he would. The men could continue (it wasn’t hurting anything, and in all actuality was probably making them _better_ ), but he would step back.

For them.

So why, for the love of the Force, were they worried about him?

“Kark, you are an idiot Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Cody sighed.

And, okay, he should probably feel offended. He should probably be telling Cody that he shouldn’t talk to a superior officer that way.

“I’m sure I don’t understand what you mean,” he countered, doing neither of those things.

Cody fixed him with his sternest, most commanding look before he spoke.

“I told you once,” he said simply, “the rules apply to you, too. And as second in command of this battalion, I am not going to let you stand there and act like they don’t. You are as much a part of this family as any of us are. You may not think that yet, but I’ll be damned if we don’t find a way to show you that.

“You’ve given us a chance at something that we had never even thought could be possible: hope. A life. The chance to be seen and considered as beings who matter and think and feel. That didn’t exist before. You had treated us that way from day one, but all of _this_ -” Cody’s hands gestured through the air, indicating the whole ship and something much less physical, “-this is more than we thought we’d ever be worth.

“And I don’t think you understand just how important you are to us. Any one of these men would lay down their life for you, not because you’re our general and it’s expected of us, but because you’re a brother to us, too. Family.”

Obi-Wan stared at Cody as the man went silent. All of his breath seemed to be caught just inside his lungs. He couldn’t breathe.

Cody’s eyes were more genuine than Obi-Wan thought he’d ever seen another person look. They were wide and a shining, gorgeous shade of golden, amber brown that Obi-Wan couldn’t get enough of. _Force_ , what was wrong with him?

“Cody, I don’t- I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, shaking his head a little.

“I don’t know what I want you to say…” Cody said.

They stood together in the relative silence of a star destroyer corridor a couple seconds. Then Obi-Wan’s comm went off and it was Admiral Block telling him they were coming out of hyperspace and would be landing shortly.

Cody swallowed, listening.

Obi-Wan turned back to the entrance of the bridge, unsure about how he was leaving this conversation potentially unfinished. He was stopped by a gentle hand catching his wrist.

“Obi-Wan.”

“Yes, Cody?”

“Please don’t sacrifice yourself for us. There will never be a battle we can’t go into together. And I- we will stand by your side, no matter what.”

*

It was very nearly noon and if Obi-Wan didn’t start to hurry, he might be late for the start of the meeting.

His heart felt like it was racing, his breath too uneven to be necessarily comfortable. The nervous energy was back with a vengeance in his stomach and arms and hands. He itched to find a quiet place and mediate awhile, just to try and sort through all the thoughts and emotions swimming about inside his head.

But instead, he picked up the pace once again, speed-walking his way up to the tower the council met in.

The elevator dinged as it opened and allowed him in and dinged when it let him off.

He paused in the antechamber. It was empty, bright Coruscanti midday sunlight streaming in through the tall windows. The chamber doors were closed as they nearly always were.

Obi-Wan could feel his throat going dry. He swallowed against his anxiety, drawing in a deep, hopefully centering breath and releasing it. He imagined his nervousness flowing out with the air and dissipating into the Force. It didn’t work as well as he would have liked it to, but that was probably to be expected.

He had a chance here. A chance to talk to the council, to reach out to his fellow masters and explain. Explain how everything had come about and why it needed to continue. Why Obi-Wan felt better, and why his troopers looked and were happier. This was his _chance_.

_A single chance is a whole galaxy of hope._

Hope for him and for his troopers, his men, his _family_. Both those he’d found in the 212th and those he’d grown up with here in the Temple.

He had to do this. And he would do it well.

Because Obi-Wan Kenobi never did back down from a fight or a challenge. And he wasn’t about to start it now.

Drawing another steadying breath, he pushed the chamber door open. Inside, the whole rest of the council waited for him, sat in their chairs or present in holograms.

He wasn’t going to plead for this. He was going to fight for this.

All of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I know, we haven't actually gotten to the council meeting yet, but don't worry, it's coming. Like, the next installment, it's coming. Promise.
> 
> Anyway, as a note for those of you who haven't quite picked it up (no judgement), there will be some ships popping up in this series. They will include (but may not be limited to): Cody/Obi-Wan and at the very least, mentions of Anakin/Padme.
> 
> So, that's all I have for now. I would love to know what you thought, so comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> Also, I have a blog for this series! You can [find it here](https://obiwanthetherapistkenobi.tumblr.com/). Come say hi if you want!


End file.
